God is Speaking

Wow, time flies!! Life has been BUSY since I last posted! Currently I am sitting up watching my babies on the monitor. Both are sick--my house and myself are covered in puke and diarrhea--so while today officially ends my Thanksgiving Break, I am preparing to take 1 more day off. Happy/Sad. It is so hard to see my babies sick and struggling...but of course my heart is thankful for just one more day of cuddles. Praying they are able to have an uneventful night of rest and wake up healthier than they were when I put them to bed.

I am just here to quickly say WOW God works in pretty awesome ways!! I had just put my oldest to bed and sat down in bed to make sure things were covered for work tomorrow, when my twin sister text me. She wanted me to give her my thoughts on some things she wrote in the middle of the night the other day. I think my jaw may have literally hit the floor. HER THOUGHTS ARE MY THOUGHTS! Exactly what I've been feeling and thinking these last three years, the reason I STARTED THIS BLOG, were the things she sent me that were put on her heart!! We have never discussed these desires or thoughts together! I don't think I need any more confirmation from God that this IS something I need to be faithful in doing. When God speaks to us, it's a good idea to listen. ;)

I will be honest, I had the thought just this weekend like, 'oh yeah, I have been so busy I forgot I started a blog! Oh man, maybe I didn't really want to be that honest. Maybe that was stupid of me...maybe I regret writing that...' and things along those lines. That text seemingly out of nowhere from my sister just totally confirmed that I am here in this blogging world--currently blogging to zero readers-- to stay for a while. And I intend to continue to be honest about my journey and my heart...and promise not to go back and edit or delete past posts. ;)

Anyway, I said this would be quick. I just wanted to share that God-Moment here. Now time for me to go check on those babies...and perhaps shower the baby puke out of my hair. <3

Where is your worth?

Have you ever prayed “Lord, show me where I am blind?” Basically, reveal the things about myself that aren’t good and pleasing, things about myself I may not even be aware of—but need to turn over to Him? 

I recently prayed that prayer. It wasn’t a big moment in and of itself, just a quick “Please show me” kind of moment. It was an honest and true desire of my heart to see where there were  places in my life I needed to turn over to Him. 

He’s been revealing things to me. Ask and you shall receive. ;) 

I have always been a more frugal minded girl. I’ve kind of prided myself on how non-materialistic I was. Walking into a store like Coach gives me anxiety.  

He’s revealed a selfish heart to me. Wait, what!? I aim to be selfless in all I do...so this has been a tough pill to swallow.

I have an addiction to Old Navy. When I walk in, I rarely leave without a couple bags full of new clothes. Now, this was never an issue for me. I am a busy girl. I make it out to Old Navy for a good shopping spree... 2 or 3 times a year? Maybe 4 or 5?...see the Lord is revealing to me...

In my defense, I had two babies 18 months apart. Spent over 2 years with an ever-changing body. I did have needs in the clothing department. But a few trips here and there, they add up. I have been convicted of selfishness. Ouch. I have a family I am working to help support. Are my clothing needs being put above my family? Because by needs, do I mostly mean wants? Yes, I have had needs, but if I am honest, and I am trying to be, I probably didn’t need all of the things I bought for my summer wardrobe, or new school year wardrobe, or... 

That gets me to the heart of what’s being revealed. Why do I need new clothes every season? What’s the root of that desire? ::swallows large pill:: My desire to feel worth. My desire to feel good enough. It’s somethjng I’ve struggled with greatly in life. I have this inner dialogue that’s been on repeat in my head most of my life that I am not good enough. I’m not a good enough wife. I’m not a good enough sister. I’m not a good enough mom. I’m not a good enough friend. I’m not good enough at my job. I’m not good enough... 

It’s late and my alarm is going to go off soon, so I will wrap up here for now: Where are you finding your worth? My worth is in Jesus, and I am good enough to Him. I’ve challenged myself to stop spending money on myself unless it is a real need. This will help me be a better steward with the resources we’ve been given for my family, and help me to remember my worth is not in having new clothes. I listened to a podcast last week that said “where you are spending your money could show you where your heart wherepriorities are”—or something like that. Food for thought. 

 I’ll probably be back another time to talk more in depth about my heart on these topics, but I’ve got three 15 hour work days ahead of me starting in... 75 minutes when my alarm goes off. 😑 

See you soon, blog world. 

Here I am, Blogging!

3 years after I initially felt the pull to start blogging, here I am. Well, I've been here...just in an unpublished state. I am sitting here with my dog, trying to figure out where to start. It feels like when you have to make awkward small talk with somebody you just met and you don't know what to say, and then FF and they turn out to be your best friend. That's my hope for this page. I guess I will start off with who I am...

I'm Lindsay. I am married to Matt. We have two little boys.

I am nearing the end of my 20s, and the life I've lived really is why I am here--blogging. I am a sinner, saved by Grace, and I just have this feeling I can't shake. I have a Story and I need to share it. I believe that at some point in time, somewhere out there, someone is going to search something and happen upon this blog. They will find that they are not alone, and God will be glorified.

I am an Introvert. There aren't many people in the world that know the real me. I think that's why I've put off this blog for 3 years. I've been too worried about the judgement of those 'Facebook Friends' and extended relatives that think they know me, or have this perception of me, but have never seen or taken the time to know my heart.

My heart loves people. My heart wants people to know Jesus. My heart wants to be known and to be vulnerable. I think that's why I am here. To share my heart and my testimony and hope there is someone out there who finds comfort in it.

Disclaimer: I once received a 'C' on an otherwise perfect paper in a college History class because my Professor said I didn't know how to use commas. So, don't judge me. ;)

Looking forward to getting past this nice-to-meet-you-awkward-small-talk stage and really getting to know you! :)