Where is your worth?

Have you ever prayed “Lord, show me where I am blind?” Basically, reveal the things about myself that aren’t good and pleasing, things about myself I may not even be aware of—but need to turn over to Him? 

I recently prayed that prayer. It wasn’t a big moment in and of itself, just a quick “Please show me” kind of moment. It was an honest and true desire of my heart to see where there were  places in my life I needed to turn over to Him. 

He’s been revealing things to me. Ask and you shall receive. ;) 

I have always been a more frugal minded girl. I’ve kind of prided myself on how non-materialistic I was. Walking into a store like Coach gives me anxiety.  

He’s revealed a selfish heart to me. Wait, what!? I aim to be selfless in all I do...so this has been a tough pill to swallow.

I have an addiction to Old Navy. When I walk in, I rarely leave without a couple bags full of new clothes. Now, this was never an issue for me. I am a busy girl. I make it out to Old Navy for a good shopping spree... 2 or 3 times a year? Maybe 4 or 5?...see the Lord is revealing to me...

In my defense, I had two babies 18 months apart. Spent over 2 years with an ever-changing body. I did have needs in the clothing department. But a few trips here and there, they add up. I have been convicted of selfishness. Ouch. I have a family I am working to help support. Are my clothing needs being put above my family? Because by needs, do I mostly mean wants? Yes, I have had needs, but if I am honest, and I am trying to be, I probably didn’t need all of the things I bought for my summer wardrobe, or new school year wardrobe, or... 

That gets me to the heart of what’s being revealed. Why do I need new clothes every season? What’s the root of that desire? ::swallows large pill:: My desire to feel worth. My desire to feel good enough. It’s somethjng I’ve struggled with greatly in life. I have this inner dialogue that’s been on repeat in my head most of my life that I am not good enough. I’m not a good enough wife. I’m not a good enough sister. I’m not a good enough mom. I’m not a good enough friend. I’m not good enough at my job. I’m not good enough... 

It’s late and my alarm is going to go off soon, so I will wrap up here for now: Where are you finding your worth? My worth is in Jesus, and I am good enough to Him. I’ve challenged myself to stop spending money on myself unless it is a real need. This will help me be a better steward with the resources we’ve been given for my family, and help me to remember my worth is not in having new clothes. I listened to a podcast last week that said “where you are spending your money could show you where your heart wherepriorities are”—or something like that. Food for thought. 

 I’ll probably be back another time to talk more in depth about my heart on these topics, but I’ve got three 15 hour work days ahead of me starting in... 75 minutes when my alarm goes off. 😑 

See you soon, blog world.